Starting The Year Right - Spirituality

While the ability to sprint across water is not a talent most of us have, that shouldn't keep us from trying. With only a few more areas to consider before we wrap up our attempt to start 2011 off well, we turn our attention to the metaphysical. I also want to let the readers know I'll be conducting a personal evaluation of my values and intentions surrounding grammar.  As I wrote the title to this blog, I realized that the phrase "starting the year right" does not exactly demonstrate mastery of the english language.  Regardless, for the sake of continuity, I'll persist in my error.

Spirituality is a dimension that helps shape one's worldview, value system, and can help connect with a sense of meaning and purpose.  Ultimately spirituality can take many forms (belief systems, religion, practices.. drinking the koolaid), and the purpose here is just to focus some attention on that area of our lives.

So with respect to spirituality,

1.  How important it is to you? (0 - not important, 1 - moderately so, 2 - very important)

2.  How satisfied are you in that area? (0 - not satisfied, 1 - moderately so, 2 - very important)

3.  If you considered it important, let's consider setting some intentions.  Here are some primers to get you going.  What are the mysteries of life before which I stand in awe?  What are the things larger than my own life that inspire me?  In what (if anything) do I have faith?

4.  What are some obstacles for me moving forward in this area?

Speak soon,

Bryn

Starting The Year Right - Friends

As we round out our journey through various meaningful relationships, the time has come to consider our social lives.  We've talked about the family you're born into, now we turn our attention to friends - the family you choose.  C.S. Lewis wrote "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."  People can get by without them, but life certainly is richer in the company of people you enjoy.  They're also cheaper than therapists.


If this is your the first gander at AskDrBentham, we've been on a quest since January 1st to identify what we value most in our lives.  Our goal for 2011 is to ensure our energy is spent primarily on the things that are important to us.  Answer the following questions, and feel free to check the previous posts to catch up.


1.  How important is friendship/social life?  (0 - not imporant, 1 - moderately so, 2 - very)
2.  How satisfied are you with your friendships and social life?  0 - not satisfied, 1 - moderately so, 2 - very)
3.  If you scored a 1 or 2 in the importance question, what are some intentions for how you want to move forward in this area?  Here are some questions to help you get rolling.  What kind of friend do I want to be?  What does it mean to be a good friend?  How do I behave toward my best friend?  Why is friendship important to me?
4.  What are some obstacles to realizing these intentions?


Until tomorrow,


Bryn


Ps.  The blog surpassed 2000 hits this morning!  Thanks mom.

Starting The Year Right - Romance Time

While few of us are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to form the elusive twin couple, there remains hope for meaningful intimate relationships for any who want it.  

Perhaps you're single and wishing you weren't, or you're in a relationship that is sapping your life away.  For reasons we can't delve into in this time, many of us end up stagnating in circumstances that if we were honest with ourselves, we'd rather change.  Yet, as with other areas we've considered over the last few days we stay the course without even necessarily taking the time to think about whether we're acting in a way that's ______ with our _______.  (You should be able to fill those in by now!  if not, they're "consistent" and "values" respectively).  If you got it, well done!

So, the following questions apply to everyone, regardless of what it says on your facebook relationship status.  If you're single and relationship is important, perhaps it's time to start being intentional about changing your situation.  I've added yet another question at the end of this post, bringing our total up to 5.  Deal with it.

1.  Is intimate relationship important to me? (0 - not important, 1 - moderately, 2 - very)

2.  Am I satisfied with my current state? (0 - not satisfied, 1 - moderately, 2 - very)

3.  If you answered moderately or very important for the first one, let's set some intentions.  Here are some questions to get you going.  What kind of partner would I most like to be within an intimate relationship? What type of marital or couple relationship would I like to have? How do I want to treat my partner?

4.  What are some obstacles to realizing these intentions?

5.  Are those guys wearing chaps or are their jeans just that amazing?

Warm regards,

B

Starting The Year Right - Parenting

This topic is a bit of a spin-off from the previous one of "family", but since the partent-child relationship is such a formative one, it merits it's own consideration.  Also, as a recent inductee into parenthood myself, this one is of particular relevance to me.  

Even for those currently without progeny, it's still a worthwhile endeavour to consider whether or not parenting is something that you'd want for yourself in the future.  Remember, the purpose of these blog entries is to help us ensure our actions and decisions are in line with what we value.  The first step in this is to find out what's important to us.  Don't pull a Vader and wait until your final moments to start to be the parent you wanted to be all along.  Sure he had a good run ruling the galaxy, but in the end all that got him was killed.


It's time to rate.  This time around, I've added a 4th question, so be ready.


1.  How important is parenting?  (0 - not important, 1 - moderately, 2 - very)
2.  How satisfied am I with my parenting? (0 - not satisfied, 1 - moderately, 2 - very)
3.  Set some intentions.  What type of parent do I want to be?  How do I want to interact with my children?
4.  What are some obstacles to realizing these intentions?

Keep up the good work people,


B

Starting The Year Right - Family Relationships

Good ol' family dynamics.. always fun to talk about after having just spent the last couple weeks on a mandarin orange and egg-nog turkey binge with them.  The reality is that while many people feel enriched by this family saturated season, others it is fraught with pain and sadness from loss of life or broken relationships.  


Whatever your circumstances, the aim of this post is to facilitate a moment to consider how important these relationships are to you, and how satisfied you are with their current state.  Then, of course, to consider setting some intentions of how you want to move forward in this area.  After all the remember the goal here is to help start taking actions that are consistent with what you value.

Before we begin, a caveat.  This does not include romantic/spousal relationships or parenting (ie your children).  We'll address those individually in the days to come.  That said, lets do some rating.

1.  How important are your relationships with your family of origin?  (0 - not important; 1 - moderately important; 2 - very important)


2.  How satisfied are you with the state of these relationships?  (0 - not satisfied; 1 - moderately satisfied; 2 - very satisfied)


3.  If you consider them important, let's set some intentions.  Here are some primers to get you going:  How do I want to interact with my family members?  What type of sister/brother do I want to be?  What type of son or daughter do I want to be?  As mentioned above this can be an emotionally charged topic, so be gentle with yourself.

Until tomorrow,

Bryn

Starting the Year Right - Fun

Alright.. last topic was work, now we'll swing the pendulum the other way to Recreation and Leisure.  We all have hobbies or activities that we love doing.  We know that on some level they nourish our souls.  As with the last topic, lets rate: 

1.  How important are leisure time and recreational activities to you? 

2.  How satisfied are you in that area of your life?

3.  Write some statements that reflect the direction you want to move in the foreseeable future, if you consider it an important part of your life.

For number three, think about how you feed yourself through your hobbies, and ask yourself why you enjoy these things.  By asking yourself these types of questions you'll get a better sense of how they enrich your life.  This provides a springboard for setting some tangible intentions.

Until next post,

B

ps.  Pic is of a 1972 Suzuki GT380 - my old motorcycle.  My intention is to someday find another one!

Starting The Year Right - Work/Career

Although the New Year blog theme has been done to death, I'm going to go against my better judgement and resurrect it - only to kill it once again.  January 1st does provide us a convenient, if not arbitrary, checkpoint to take stock of our lives and set some intentions for the coming year.  The idea is to align our actions and pursuits with what we value in life.  Without taking the time to stop and think about such things we end up expending much time and energy only to be left unfulfilled in the areas that matter most... until now!

Over the next week or so I invite you take a gander within and consider how things are going in various areas of your life (work, social, spiritual, financial... etc).  This exercise is one I came across in my counseling courses in medical school, and is based in the Acceptance and Commitment style of psyhchotherapy.  For each topic posted, I invite you to do three things:

1.  Rate how important the particular area is to you (0 - not important, 1 - moderately important, or 2 - very important)

2.  Rate how satisfied you are in that area (0 - not at all satisfied, 1 - moderately satisfied, and 2 - very satisfied)

3.  Write your intentions in the areas that you rated as important.  An intention is a statement that reflects the direction you want to move in for the foreseeable future.  Value intentions are not goals.  They have no end point at which you can say, “Now I’ve accomplished that.”  It’s simply a statement of how you’d like to live your life.  It should capture what’s most important to you in that area.  

Ready?  Today's topic is Work/Career.  In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell wrote "Autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward are, most people agree, the three qualities that work has to have if it is to be satisfying."  With that teaser, rate away.

1.  How important is work to you? (0-2)

2.  How satisfied are you with your work? (0-2)

3.  Intention: What do I want my work or career to be about or stand for? What is important to me about my work (for example, financial security, intellectual challenge, independence, prestige, interacting with or helping people, and so on)? 

Take some time to consider your values as they pertain to work life, and check in again as we evaluate life's other important dimensions.

Best,

B

Credit where credit is due:

John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert.  The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. New Harbinger Publications 2007.